What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 13:04
We were not on the streets..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He knew the spot.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Main Card Results | UFC 316: Dvalishvili vs O'Malley 2 - UFC.com
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I said to her
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Why didn't Taylor Swift do Taylor Swift (Taylors version)?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Comes on , in middle age.
This is soul school!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I write beautiful poetry .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Can Japan hold on to its ‘indispensable’ companies? - Financial Times
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I have no regrets .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
UFC 316 results: Kayla Harrison finishes Julianna Peña, squares off with Amanda Nunes - MMA Junkie
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im still living with it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She loved him until the end.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I think the readers, may guess!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was scared of men, in general
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She wouldn,t have been !
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My family never makes their pension either.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
She married twice! .
Put me off passion for life!!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Would this be the day?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One cannot live in the past .
I waited trembling.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
My life is so biszare .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But it wasn’t much.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
When she asked me how she looked .
All the time i was locked up.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
What did i know ?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She found it foreign!.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Ive learnt so much.
It was going to be , some day.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So, i spoilt her more .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Who then, do I blame.?
I was very sick at this time too.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
So whats the point in blame.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She was in good health!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Especially a lifetime of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I will be 64.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We all went to grammer schools
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I could never make a relationship work though!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I don,t even have a pension.
But, we were locked up after school.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As i do to all so called friends.?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was 9 years of age.
And i lived it daily.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was seconnd youngest,
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!